I Don't Make Jokes Anymore
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I Don't Make Jokes Anymore

An honest, and often hilarious, guide to working, showering and keeping a tiny human alive

I'm Pregnant Again! The First 15 . . .

18/5/2018

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In a shocking turn of events I am pregnant!

Okay - that's a bit dramatic, even for me. 

But the truth is, if you had asked me 2 years ago, after just giving birth to my beautiful baby girl after a difficult pregnancy filled with morning sickness the whole way through if I would have another baby I would have laughed at you. 


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A PR Consultant's Top 5 Tips to Scoring Sponsored Posts:

17/5/2018

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Making money from blogs. We all want to do it. It's the ideal - the holy grail - the "if only" when we begin, yet not all of us know how to go about it.

Fear not! As a PR Consultant who has done extensive work with bloggers and influencers on behalf of brands, I have put together my TOP 5 TIPS to set your site up for sponsorship! 

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Breastfeeding: A Rant

14/5/2018

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Breastfeeding. 

Beautiful. Natural. Difficult. 

Nay. Impossible for some. Definitely a struggle for me. 

Breastfeeding did not come naturally at all - it was an 11-month long uphill struggle peppered with supplementing, judgement and self-loathing that my body could not do the one thing it was supposedly built to do - keep my child alive on it's own. 

But I have come a long way since then, and have a lot of thoughts about how medical professionals, society and families can do a lot more to help out those of us who find breastfeeding to be a right pain in the buttocks. 

Warning: This is a RANT. If you are not pro a woman's right to feed how she chooses, please walk away now. 

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Self-Doubt & Start-Ups

13/5/2018

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It is no secret that I am definitely my own worst enemy sometimes.
Okay - most of the time. 
I have mentioned my "crippling self doubt" before, and honestly it's scary to talk about soo publicly. Mainly because I am starting a business, and I really don't want people to truly know the fear I feel inside. ​

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How Louise Pentland changed my life ...

11/5/2018

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I am an avid Youtube watcher. I watch it more than TV or Netflix combined . I love immersing myself in other people's lives, seeing how they go about their day - empathizing with their struggles and celebrating their success. It's a wonderful world of escapism. 

Now I'm going to be honest, I watched it all with a silent cynicism believing that while I observed and enjoyed, it would never have an impact on me (other than using up time I could be doing something else of course). I work in the business of PR and Communications. I felt that gave me some kind of untouchable force that meant I could view from a distance like some superhero or Queen. 

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Let's try this again...

10/5/2018

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Okay. 

I'm back. 

It's been almost 2 years. I have my degree. I got a job. I left that job.

I started my own business. I cried over my own business. I keep trying to push my own business to actually, you know, earn money. 

I gained my confidence. I lost my confidence. I gained it back. And now I'm struggling after having lost it once again.

​But the blog is back! 
​


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My Waters Broke At Fiddler on the Roof! How my Labour Started

8/6/2016

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I should preface this story time by saying that my labour was quite normal - "textbook" even. And what I mean by that is that it was unpredictable, scary and mega-watt painful.
There is no such thing as the "perfect" labour. 
You know that birth plan you have? Get rid of it.
You know that birth plan you don't think you have, but you actually kind do and you only realise it once you've given birth and it was not was you expected? Get rid of that too.
Basically, get rid of ALL expectation, and prepare for any eventuality.

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10 Reasons why I will never be a beauty guru 

6/6/2016

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  1. I have no idea how to contour​;
  2. My eyebrows are the last remnants of the extinct Wooly Mammoth (i.e. they are most certainly not "on fleek");
  3. The only baking I do is in the oven (and some may say my uterus);
  4. I barely have time to shower with soap, let alone fake tan;
  5. The only highlighters I own come in a pack of 5 from Office Works;
  6. Sephora is WAAAAAAAAAY outta this girl's budget;
  7. Shaving - ain't no body got time for that!
  8. Not only does my skin look like Mount Vesuvius has erupted all over the place, but you could land a rocket in my pores;
  9. I have 1 foundation, 1 concealer, 1 blush, 2 eyeliners (1 black, 1 brown - accidentally), 2 primers (yet another accident - forgot to take the one I didn't want out of my basket #newbornlife), 1 mascara and 2 eyeshadow palletes. Hardly constitutes an Ikea Alex Drawer set
  10. Blending will be the death of me. 

xx Me

P.S - This post is in jest - I love makeup gurus! They have saved me from countless boring night hours feeding my baby and provided me with something to watch when sick in bed with morning sickness. 
Comment below with who your favourite gurus are, or why you will never be one! 


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Time for me to grow up

31/5/2016

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My parents moved out of my childhood home yesterday.
16 years of memories cleaned up in 9.5 hours of loading and unloading. 
And despite what I try telling myself (usually along the lines of "man up, woman. You haven't lived there in two years; heck you haven't lived in the same city for two years!"), I am really upset about it. It's hit me to my core.
​

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Newborn Survival Guide: How to barely keep yourself from malfunctioning

29/5/2016

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Before we even begin, let me get one thing clear:

If you have newborn baby, you are going to malfunction. It's normal. In fact it's so normal, I'm surprised it's not more expected or talked about. I think one of the greatest crimes we face as new mothers and fathers is that we are not made more prepared or aware of just how crazy, stressful and exhausting having a newborn is. Of course it's not something you can describe to someone who's never been through it, but as a new mum myself just leaving the worst of the newborn stage behind (until the next one, oh G-d the next one!) I wish I'd been told a few things, and most importantly told that pretty much everything I was feeling was totally normal. I think that would have saved me a lot of heartache, tears and unnecessary anxiety. ​

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