In a shocking turn of events I am pregnant!
Okay - that's a bit dramatic, even for me.
But the truth is, if you had asked me 2 years ago, after just giving birth to my beautiful baby girl after a difficult pregnancy filled with morning sickness the whole way through if I would have another baby I would have laughed at you.
Beautiful. Natural. Difficult.
Nay. Impossible for some. Definitely a struggle for me.
Breastfeeding did not come naturally at all - it was an 11-month long uphill struggle peppered with supplementing, judgement and self-loathing that my body could not do the one thing it was supposedly built to do - keep my child alive on it's own.
But I have come a long way since then, and have a lot of thoughts about how medical professionals, society and families can do a lot more to help out those of us who find breastfeeding to be a right pain in the buttocks.
Warning: This is a RANT. If you are not pro a woman's right to feed how she chooses, please walk away now.
I am an avid Youtube watcher. I watch it more than TV or Netflix combined . I love immersing myself in other people's lives, seeing how they go about their day - empathizing with their struggles and celebrating their success. It's a wonderful world of escapism.
Now I'm going to be honest, I watched it all with a silent cynicism believing that while I observed and enjoyed, it would never have an impact on me (other than using up time I could be doing something else of course). I work in the business of PR and Communications. I felt that gave me some kind of untouchable force that meant I could view from a distance like some superhero or Queen.
Before we even begin, let me get one thing clear:
If you have newborn baby, you are going to malfunction. It's normal. In fact it's so normal, I'm surprised it's not more expected or talked about. I think one of the greatest crimes we face as new mothers and fathers is that we are not made more prepared or aware of just how crazy, stressful and exhausting having a newborn is. Of course it's not something you can describe to someone who's never been through it, but as a new mum myself just leaving the worst of the newborn stage behind (until the next one, oh G-d the next one!) I wish I'd been told a few things, and most importantly told that pretty much everything I was feeling was totally normal. I think that would have saved me a lot of heartache, tears and unnecessary anxiety.
I'm sure the title has you confused.
"Your daughter laughed and other woes?" you ask incredulously. "How is that a woe?"
Well understandably confused reader, here's the thing. . .
"I don't make jokes anymore," I sigh to my sister, over the phone. It is 9:00pm at night, and I've finally completed a marathon 48 hours of assessmenting. 4000 words, 2 videos and 1 website later and I'm pooped.
Yet despite all that, I want to start a blog.
There's just one problem. I can't think of a title. And because I can not for the life of me think of a title for my blog that will probably have no readers, I'll never start one.
But for some reason, now, at 9:00 pm when my brain is fried and my leftover dinner is still sitting on the table from 6:30, the only thing I want to do is sit down and start. Most likely because there is no way I am cleaning those greasy dishes and I have to do something to convince my husband I am simply "too busy" to even contemplate the idea.